It's just a feeling

It's been a somewhat difficult week. On Monday I had a root canal, and it went pretty badly awry: got infected, I developed a hemotoma (on my face--I look like I've been punched!) from a misplaced novocaine shot, and I have had to stay on very strong antibiotics. I've stayed on the program diligently, in that I've tracked every day and eaten within range (except for the day I was so miserable I only ate half my points), if not quite as impeccably as usual. But it's hard to feel connected to the project of getting healthy when you're feeling sick. I actually took a nap three days in a row, whereas usually, a nap is about a semi-annual event. And instead of working out my usual 6 days a week, I think I managed to exercise three times.

I should have shrugged this all off. Instead, the negative talk and negative thinking started creeping in right away. It was surprising and alarming how quickly I started to started to disconnect from my identity as a healthy, active weight watcher--how soon I started telling myself, "well, guess that's slipping away." Even though I was tracking, the lack of exercise and lack of energy and just physical pain made a healthy lifestyle feel really remote. I even noticed I was eating fewer greens, whereas previously I've not had any problem meeting my fruit and veggie servings.

When I weighed in at the meeting, I still managed to lose .2 pounds--no great progress on the scale, but at least a tiny loss. Still, the negative talk continued. "Oh well, guess I'm done really losing weight."

What the hell??

Yesterday, still a bit worn out but game to try pushing myself, I made it back to the gym and did 45 minutes on the stair stepper. Today I had a great 90 minute yoga class, after stocking up on greens from the farmer's market. It's 3:30PM and I already have met my good health guidelines for produce. And... the scale showed another pound less than it did just 3 days ago. And guess what? I feel back "in" again. Already?? Does everything change so fast? Is it really so much about my mental attitude.

I realize--and, I think for the first time, I *realized*--that there was no way that a bad week or a bad few days had to derail me. That things just couldn't be lost all that fast! I know how many people fall away from their healthy choices because of one bad choice, one bad day, one extra dessert. Why do we let ourselves do this?? Today in yoga when the teacher suggested that I "set an intention" for the practice, I asked myself to remember that the negative talk was just talk, just a feeling, not the truth. That, as I've learned to do so many other ways through yoga, I can just "watch" the feeling without identifying with it. This was a major breakthrough for me! It's just a thought. It's not the Truth. Maybe at this moment some sabotaging or insecure or tired voice inside me is telling me that I can't do this. But that voice has absolutely no direct line to the facts or to the future. I can do this, and I am doing this, every time I make a healthy decision. There is no light switch that shuts it off and it's over. OK: I didn't exercise Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday because I was miserable and in pain. But I DID go to my spinning class Monday before my root canal (!!), and I did go back to the gym yesterday, and I did go to yoga today!

Epiphany: every day is a brand new day to make good new decisions in.

As of today, according to the home scale: BMI 25.7
Weight: 155/140.3/128  (so close to the 130s! Hooray!!)
Body fat: 30.5%

Getting there!!